The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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