Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
