Umm I'm too high to move.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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