dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
