We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
