I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
