Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
