even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
