Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Boobs are out for the taking
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
