I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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