i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we're so committed to being not committed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
