what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
