you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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