He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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