my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
