grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
should my penis look like a turkey
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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