if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
