I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize