I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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