Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
