How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
