gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What a dumb baby whore.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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