If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Little spoons don't ask big questions
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
