I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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