the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
