so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
