what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No subtext here. People are naked.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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