The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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