I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
