So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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