I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
