He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
