No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
