You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
