I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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