just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
