If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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