Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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