it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
