What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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