I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
