my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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