I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
