you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
