Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
