Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my being single is dangerous.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
