His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
