Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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