READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
