i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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