Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
