Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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