He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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