I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FUCK WHALES
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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