You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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