Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
