I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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