Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
