Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
