Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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