he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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