The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
