He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
