I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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