if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
