but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
