Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
