Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize