he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize