I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
