The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
