Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
