Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
