normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
