How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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