nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
