I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Never joke about your clitoris.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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