i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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