He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
