if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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