I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize