You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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