I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
