woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
