I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
