try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
