yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
