i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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